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Windows October 29, 2006

Posted by BiB in Uncategorized.
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Darlings, I’m in such a panic about work that I think I might have to do quite a lot of blogging on subjects ranging from the weather, underwear and cars to syphilis. I’m sure by the time I’m done, I’ll flick back to the other windows – is that the word? – daring to be annoyingly open in the blue line at the bottom of my screen and hope that some translation imps have invaded my computer and done the bastard for me. I think that sort of thing happens quite often.

Darlings, I don’t think I’ve ever blogged my flat before, perhaps for fear of being overrun by mobs of marauding, naked, muscular blog-fans. But I think this photo is neutral enough for me to sleep soundly knowing that my geographical anonymity will not have been challenged. Our flat looks a tad like a hospital ward, without the drips and ill folk. All white walls and not much in the way of adornment. One Euro-guestess once asked how long we’d been living here as I provided her with some bakewell tart and a nice cup of tea – to prove that England can do cuisine too – and she didn’t do that good a job of hiding her surprise when the answer didn’t come back as, “We moved in ten minutes before you arrived”.

Anyway, the point of the window is… look, it’s dark at this time! We all know that putting the clocks back or forward doesn’t make darkness happen only an hour earlier or later. Yesterday it was bright outside till, ooh, at least 11pm, whereas today it was dark by about one. Cue thoughts for the next eight months of moving to Australia. (I would have happily said Thailand or Equatorial Guinea a few years ago, but after another night last night where I struggled to speak to our Eurotastic guests in German, I think my hot place needs to be in some bit of the world that the British once colonised. Canada doesn’t count.)

So winter-time it is. I next plan to leave the house in June, give or take the odd eaSyjEt commitment. Our Eurotastic guests yesterday were from a selection of countries east of the iron curtain, so the conversation was heavy in fantasy. The Russian and I caught on remarkably quickly for old-timers and peppered the proceedings with unlikely destinations for a bit of winter sun. By the time we got the Slavs out the door at some obscene hour, their innards sloshing happily in booze and the most calorific food this side of a 5-year-old’s birthday party, we’d convinced everyone, bar ourselves, that we’d probably AT LEAST make it to Peru, Mauritius and Israel this winter. But just in case we don’t, I’ve tracked down my long johns and look forward to resembling a mentalist, just as soon as I’ve learnt how to roll my own cigarettes, for the foreseeable future.


Weather – done. Underwear – done. What next? Cars. Here’s a snap of one I don’t own and can’t drive. Nice, innit? A Nissan, of all things. I felt very unfashionable falling for a Nissan, having hoped it might be the latest Trabant or Invacar model. Saw it – or its twin – in Scotland (where I visited a nuclear family. All pop music and laundry. How do folk bear it?). Do I really have to bother saying where I’ve pilfered it from? I can’t remember, obviously. And won’t worry inordinately much about feeling the long arm of the law coming down hard on me.

Ha! Defeated by blogger once more. Mid-post, it has decided to stop letting me upload photos. Or perhaps it’s a decency policy, as the next upload was going to be Dix’s Syphilitiker. Slightly à propos of nothing, but in stark contrast to all the old frumps I saw at the Rembrandt the other day. I need more Dix in my life. (Boom boom.) I need splashes of colour (not that this Dix has any), and folk with venereal diseases, to brighten up the winter months.

Oh god, it’s gone six. The imps haven’t done a thing as of my last check. I’d better get back to some high-octane panicking to the accompaniment of Shura, Russia’s least likely heterosexual pop-star. (Though Russian pop is not to be blogged. Zemfira almost did for me.)


1. Marsha Klein - October 29, 2006

You didn’t, by any chance, see the twin of that little green car in Edinburgh did you? If not, then it must be triplets because there’s one exactly like that living quite near me. Not to mention a first cousin (blue) that lives somewhere else in the city.

I’m not avoiding work, I’m avoiding the laundry and pop music/DVD choices of my nuclear family. How do folk bear it? I hadn’t really thought about that ’til you posed the question and now I’m wondering – am I lacking in imagination? Actually, I would find both laundry a perfectly relaxing and engaging pastime (yes really!) if it wasn’t always for three other people as well as myself.

Sorry for long, rambling comment.

2. Marsha Klein - October 29, 2006

Long, incoherent and badly edited comment.

“…would find laundry a perfectly relaxing and engaging pastime…”

3. BiB - October 30, 2006

MK, my gosh, no need to apologise. The longer and ramblinger the better as far as I’m concerned.

The car – red cousin, I think, though I wonder if I’m making that up – was seen in Glasgow, next to a church which I heard bagpipes emanating from, which made me think I’d had the real Scottish experience. I did see a kilt too, and had some shortbread, and felt embarrassed at only understanding every eighth word the taxi-driver on the way to the airport said. I’m longing to have a proper Scotland trip one day. I’ve only ever been on flying visits to Glasgow or Edinburgh. I want to see some wild gorgeousness.

I secretly love doing the washing (not up, any more, of course. I think I’m getting quite a huge crush on the dishwasher, although once, in an attempt at being middle class, we bought really huge plates, and they can only be accommodated if you’re very cunning. Pythagoras’s help almost needs to be sought). But being in a house with a (very nice, of course) nuclear family with children ranging in age from young to old meant that there was different pop music coming from every room in the house at the same time. And, of course, each room seems to be fitted with a TV and stereo in this day and age… I’m STILL waiting to have my big conversion so I can become a monk.

But, anyway, MK, what this is all leading up to is the very straightforward question… Do you blog? And, if so, where?

4. Mangonel - October 30, 2006

Hey, MK, I’d quite like to know too.

BiB – mea culpa, I think maybe I squeezed the translation imps dry. I have had a house full of Milanesi – well, two women and an incredibly tall 14yr old boy – two of whom had no English . (Mind, the boy, being 14, spoke only Grunt. Which I don’t.) Have you considered sub-contracting? I take it you have been following the discussion at Patroclus’s on Second Life – surely the space must be wall to virtual wall with imps. And you’d only have to pay them virtual money.

P.S I love Mango. I can be soft, juicy and tasty AND deal death disease and destruction at the same time. IOU.

5. Wyndham - October 30, 2006

Very much looking forward to your post on syphilis!

6. Marsha Klein - October 30, 2006

BiB, I don’t blog as yet, although I’m getting THIS close (indicates very small distance with thumb and forefinger) to doing so. I suspect, however that, had I already had a blog, I would have written a post this morning so full of F’s and B’s only merchant seaman would have been able to read it without blushing! I had a huge argument with number one daughter before school and this was after searching through the DIRTY laundry of 3 other people last night to find passable gym kit and then this morning searching through the contents of not one but TWO dustbins in an attempt to find a missing button. My failure to find the button resulted in the aforementioned argument (its always the really important things, isn’t it?!). Our family was certainly “nuclear” this morning!

Hmm, perhaps I do need to start a blog, even it’s just to stop me turning other people’s comments boxes into a de facto (don’t know how to do italics) blog of my own

7. BiB - October 30, 2006

Darlings, too frantic to answer properly, so can only be brief until I take a huge breath outwards at some point later today.

Mango, I want to subcontract my whole life out to someone else.

Wynders, I’ll make something up about having had syphilis.

MK, get bitching about your family online.

8. Blonde at Heart - October 31, 2006

When you find the imps, can you please tell them to come to the Middle East? I need them as well.

Uni is great, by the way (despite woe-is-me blogs lately).

9. BiB - November 1, 2006

You do sound obscenely busy, for which you have my sympathies. Even better than send them, though, I’ll take the imps with me on the third leg of my fantasy winter trip…

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