Ambition October 24, 2006Posted by BiB in Uncategorized.
I may not have been aiming very high, but I did once claim that it was my dream to own a dishwasher – human or clockwork – and thus render myself utterly redundant. In fact, becoming the superfluous man par excellence wasn’t strictly what I was aiming for; indeed, I might even have aimed to replace the washing-up, which I seem to spend about 90% of my life doing – the other 10% is spent on interaction with eAsyjet – with some other chore, or maybe even a job. No. But I’ve been known to blame many a misfortune on my almost constant proximity to the kitchen sink. Various aches and pains. Bad skin. Allergies. Poor knowledge of German.
So imagine my excitement! I am, this very second, sitting in, waiting for some – I’m hoping – rough, working-class, middle-aged men to deliver me a clockwork dishwasher that the Russian has deemed it fit to purchase. Actually, I’m not very excited at all. In fact, I couldn’t be less excited. Even if the deliverers do turn out to be bits of handsome rough, the four seconds that they spend in the flat will be a chore, and it’s a chore having to sit here and wait for them when I could be outdoors smoking and having lascivious thoughts.
But I suppose the real unexcitement is caused not by the worry that I really will have become an utterly superfluous man, but rather the dissatisfaction one feels at almost any desire coming to fruition. Perhaps, rather as with jiggy-jiggy, there’s the exciting build-up, then the moment of intense pleasure and then the thought, “Bugger. It’s over. What next?” Except I seem to have gone cold even before the intense moment of pleasure on this occasion. Ambition interruptus.
So I need a new ambition. Something new to strive for. To look forward to. To aim at. I’ve got a couple of ideas up my sleeve. So far, it’s a neck-and-neck race between paying off my debts and trying to prove whether the Russian has any internal organs at all. All recommendations greatly appreciated and eagerly considered.