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July 10th June 15, 2006

Posted by BiB in Uncategorized.

I know it’s rude to play with the fates like this, but I’m convinced I’ll be dead by the end of the Weltmeisterschaft. No, no, not another gloom post, I promise. No, it’s all the hard living. If I don’t put a lid on this World Cup boozing – I wouldn’t drink every day of the week otherwise, you see – and smoking and all-round festivating, I’m sure I’ll keel over any minute now. Which would be a chore. Then there are the friends in town and others arriving soon, so some serious festivating needs to be done with them, which is almost bound to involve a drop or two of booze and some fags as a perfect side-order. All of which means I might end up looking rather a lot more like an archetypal English football fan – the sun’s helping pinkness levels, obv – very soon indeed and will blend in as well as the next man if they ever arrive en masse in Berlin. (The Swedes are doing that currently.)

But what else might have me croaking by the end of the World Cup? Well, although the only real connection between the piece of work I’m (not) doing and death should be that the very sight of it makes me want to donate my body to science whenever someone’s willing to come round and give me the lethal injection, I might actually be crucified for not doing it. I will do it, eventually, because I have to, and said I would, and I want the cash, and I’m vaguely a grown-up. But I’ll be hollered at by all and sundry if I’m late, which is looking deliciously likely. But who could and indeed should even work at times like these? When Germany is in (spiritual) bloom and having a renaissance of self-worth? And the sun is out, there’s beer to be drunk, fags to be smoked and oodles of so-fucking-gorgeous-I-can-hardly-bear-it men to leer at wistfully? Who? Angie isn’t, for one, because she was sitting with Pan Prezydent yesterday in Dortmund watching football, presumably, before trying hard to not celebrate Germany’s last-gasp winner TOO rabidly, lecturing him on gay rights and asking him if he was the older or younger of the two brothers. A twin? Really? Identical? Different eggs? Really? (The Russian is a twin. I know this conversation.)

And, speaking of the Russian, I might also be dead by the end of the Weltmeisterschaft because the Russian will have nagged me to death by then for precisely all the misbehaviour laid out in the first two paragraphs of this piece of tosh and one or several of my vital organs will give up the ghost and I’ll meet my maker. Damn, if I miss England raising the trophy for the second time – missed it first time round because I hadn’t got round to being born yet – I’ll be livid. Dead, but livid. Here’s to making it to July 10th.



1. lukeski - June 15, 2006

You may need to drink yourself to death to hide the embarrasment of being an Englishman. 0-0 with T&T;)

2. BiB - June 15, 2006

Well, they’ve scored one at last, and not even an own goal, amazingly, but, on the positive side, it’s all been so unwatchable that I’ve actually got some work done. I’ve almost been rooting for the Trinis. (Aren’t they all English anyway?)

3. lukeski - June 15, 2006

Intolerable. I can’t wait to watch Argentina – Netherlands and any game with the Czechs…

4. BiB - June 15, 2006

I’d love the Czechs to win the whole bastard thing, actually. Well, unless it was a Czecho-England final, when I might have to shout for our boys. I’m trying to work out permutations. If T&T manage to beat Paraguay, and the Swedes and Paraguay draw today, and then England beat Sweden, T&T would go through. But that’s a lot of ifs.

Actually, I haven’t seen the Czechs play, apart from ten seconds against the Americans, as my football tolerance has pretty much been exhausted… Anyway, got to go and meet some Berlin bloggers now. Shitting my pants.

5. lukeski - June 15, 2006

Viel Spass beim Stammtisch! I am suffering Sweden-Paraguay. And a carton of milk dropped out of my fridge and exploded, covering the entire kitchen (and me) in milk. I have been cleaning it up for the last 45 minutes. Scheisse.

6. daggi - June 16, 2006

Stammtisch: I was unfortunately too engaged with some gebratene Semmelknödel at ‘Spätzle express’ and was then taken for a walk around Neukölln. It was strange to walk around thinking ‘it´s quite nice here isn’t it actually’ and then walking past the ‘all our pupils are armed lunatics Rütli-Hauptschule’. The heat prevented me from doing anything else afterwards, unfortunately. I want some of that silver iodine to be fired into those clouds, I want it to rain, NOW.

Many apologies, BiB, perhaps I’ll manage it before I vanish for 3 months.

7. GreatSheElephant - June 16, 2006

I am aware that this is somewhat racist or at least culturalist of me but you are being told off for heavy drinking by a Russian?

I wanted T&T to win. Very disappointed.

8. Bowleserised - June 16, 2006

Well, if you did shit yourself, it didn’t smell like it. And it was great fun playing the “is that Daggi” game.

9. BiB - June 16, 2006

Lukeski, what, a solid 45 minutes? Couldn’t you have just hosed the kitchen down or summat?

Daggi, well thank god you didn’t come and we just missed each other. Your haircut post had B. & me looking out for every person with short hair. Now I only have to worry we missed Beaman. Beaman, were you there? Did you come, not find our table and leave? Hope not.

GSE, not so much told off. More sneered at. It’s not the drinking, strictly. It’s the time spent doing straightforwardly festive and not-work-related things he minds. (Only sour grapes, because he’s more inundated than I am at the mo.)

B., thankfully, I managed to control my bowels the whole evening. Hurrah! Sex to meet you and Mike at last and to discuss circumcision and Eurovision in almost one breath.

10. lukeski - June 16, 2006

Seriously – I couldn’t believe how much mess it made. We have a large kitchen 5×3 metres, and it fell in one corner, but covered the rest of the kitchen (and me) up to a height of nearly 2 metres. Incredible. Exploding milk is a funny thing – if you are not youtubed out, take a look at these kids…

11. lukeski - June 16, 2006

Although Diet Coke and Mentos are the explosive combination of choice in UK at the moment…

12. Bowleserised - June 16, 2006

wasn’t it lovely? Fuck knows what happened with the football. Someone just posted this on Popbitch:
“Imagine if you were a large multinational sports clothing company and your huge new global ad campaign was featuring your star mascot was going to break, say, this weekend. But your star mascot has so far played like he was asleep, has been taken to hospital for check-up but is cleared to play? Do you A) do nothing, or B) remember 1998 and desperately try to pull the ads from all TV stations around the world?”

Who is it?

13. BiB - June 16, 2006

Anglocentrically, I was going to say Beckham, but he hasn’t gone to hospital, as far as I know. Then I thought of Rooney. But now I think it must be Ronaldo, formerly the world’s greatest footballer, who is having a bit of a Gazza-style battle of the bulge and has been to hospital for dizziness and liposuction. I don’t know if he sings.

Those folks with the Diet Coke want to get to New Zealand. They set the geysers off there by lobbing bars of soap into them.

14. Beaman - June 16, 2006

Apologies for not making it to the blog meet yesterday. I confused the dates, thinking the 15th was the Thursday of next week. Time is going too fast for me. My fault completely. I just realised today. Let me know when the next blog meet is as I’m still interested.
Many thanks.

15. Michael Scott Moore - June 18, 2006

It’s not a blog meet! Really. As hard as I laughed when you renamed it the Berlin Bloggers’ Convention (BBC) without my typing a single word months ago it really just is a Stammtisch for friends and acquaintances, real and virtual. Including people who don’t even own computers.

16. BiB - June 21, 2006

Beaman, if you drop a line to MSM – see above – he’ll kindly e-mail you the details on future occasions.

But Mike, really even for people who don’t own computers? The day you invite my mother, that’s it, I’ll be boycotting it from then on…

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