Accessorising May 23, 2006Posted by BiB in Uncategorized.
My wardrobe is dwindling, due to some inexplicable force of nature, and I am making the most of a few select items with every greater, and perhaps indecent, frequency. Colour coordination is becoming problematic. And sometimes the outfit is so bright I worry that people will think I’ve established a cult and then I’d have to have sex with them all and look out for some convenient comet to fly off on the coat-tails of. Which would never do.
I dressed up in preparation to go out and get some fresh air into my lungs. And I needed to buy some fags. I was in a dazzlingly light pair of strides and the lightish shirt covering my upper portions was, natch, giving the Hale-Bopp effect. Luckily, it’s freezing today and I found a (slightly ragged) black jumper to throw on, turning myself from cult-leader into French-waiter-in-reverse. But never mind. Still, freezing as it may have been, it wasn’t jacket-weather, so where was I going to carry all my bits? Left trouser-pocket for wallet (in case you should want to pickpocket me in future). Keys, inhaler – yes, I know I shouldn’t smoke – in right. But I don’t like to leave the house when on the continent unless accompanied by documentation issued by Her Britannic Majesty. Thankfully, the light shirt has a breast pocket. And, darlings, what a great accessory the passport-under-the-jumper made. At a push, and to the uninitiated, it looks just like a big hefty pec. For all you holders of foreign passports, I’m sure the effect wouldn’t work nearly so well.
Once I’ve got a shirt with two breast-pockets and steal another British passport, I’ll be a muscle-queen at last…