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Über den Tellerrand April 14, 2006

Posted by BiB in Uncategorized.
We’re thinking out of the box over at BiB these days. Well, I am. We’re thinking new ideas. We’re thinking growth. We’re thinking new markets. Bigger profit margins. Better customer service. You name it, we’re thinking it.

It’s the accidental discovery’s wot’s dunnit. Realising that I can now e-mail direct to my blog has liberated me from the shackles of my living room – sorry, our office space – and I’m now casting all caution to the wind and have actually, for the first time in BiB’s short history – I think we’re technically known as a start-up, still – decided to try and blog from elsewhere. So here I am… only fucking blogging from the kitchen!

Darlings, but this growth and progress comes at a price. Namely, to my conscience. You see, the thing is, this household is in possession of a laptop computer. It was decided it was a necessary addition to our technological portfolio back in January before I went on a junket to New Zealand as I didn’t want to be uninformed about market movements as I lounged around by swimming pools and drank fantastic local wine. Obviously, it wasn’t used for a single second and even now mostly sits dustily by the bed at BiB inc.’s Berlin office, but have one nonetheless we do. But the conscience thing… The thing is, we don’t have wireless in this flat. But someone else in the house does, obviously. And I do own that spatula thing that you can stick in the back of your computer to pick up wireless if it’s to be had in the environs. Darlings, is this theft? Is BiB inc. going to be taken to court and sued for theft of something or other? Or does etiquette mean I’m allowed to ponce someone else’s bandwidth? It feels awfully naughty. Thankfully, I don’t do it often, as, I repeat, the laptop mostly sits dustily by the bed, ignored. But the new-found freedom of realising I can e-mail my blog means I just have to try new things.

So here I am in the kitchen. I’m looking for kitchen inspiration. We’ve got an awfully nice kitchen table, in an awfully nice blue. It was found on the street (the table, not the blue. We never just find random splashes of colour for keeps on the street). It Paddington-bearishly had a bit of paper tacked to it, saying, “Rescue me,” or something along those lines (and in German). Rescue it we did, got the bastard home, painted it blue and here it now is, jerking – not in the American sense – violently as I tap away clumsily.

(Darlings, live experiment happening this second. Here I am, surreptitiously blogging, and the Russian has come in, cast a glance at the computer-screen and clearly thinks I’m writing to my old aunt Ethel in Tonbridge Wells. Brilliant. It’s working a treat, this ruse.)

OK, this is too much excitement and too much trickery for one experimental blog-post. I’ll be going to Potsdamer Platz soon to wankily post there (all the while pretending to be impressed by the architecture and that cunting fountain). And I so wanted to tell you about a new Eurovision site I’d discovered. Soon, soon…



1. Wyndham - April 14, 2006

Someone else’s bandwidth? Bib, you old so and so, that’s genius! And I always love the Russian walking into the room and then walking out again – it’s like a running-gag in a sitcom. Where does he come from? Where does he go? Importantly, are you both ever in the same room at the same time? A post, please.

2. BiB - April 14, 2006

I had to switch off it back to the regular comp. It was more than my conscience could cope with, although, admittedly, being able to e-mail one’s blog means I could, in theory, write the bastard offline and then just switch on for a billionth of a sec, if I strictly HAD to use the laptop rather than the big old clumpy thing I’m sitting at now.

The Russian and I spend very little time in the same room for a couple in a fairly small flat. Mostly we overlap for meals and, just about credibly, sleep. Otherwise, we occasionally pop our heads round doors to check that the other is still alive or not engaged in something overly nefarious. There does tend to be a lot of closing internet windows or even switching off the computer in a hurry if one enters the other’s territory unannounced and without enough racket made beforehand.

Today was a fairly typical day in the BiB household. We are both “working”, which meant I spent most of the day on this fantastic new Eurovision website where I could listen to the songs until I got sick of them. (This DID eventually happen, thank god.) And I think the Russian browsed photographs of hunky Russian men, wistfully, thinking what might have been.

But, mysteriously, it somehow all works. Too queer.

Are you a technical bunny type? I’ve realised I can only post via e-mail. And no photos or anything complicated. Just straightforward old text. And the spacing seems to be huge, and misbehave, so thusfar I’ve found myself going onto blogger anyway to edit the bastards. And I can’t comment from there, obv. But still, not a bad new discovery. And the spellcheck isn’t so prudish. I’ll see if I can knock something else up and get to grips with the pernickety technical bits.

3. Amy - April 15, 2006

Ooh, do tell us what you think of the UK entry?! Apparently it was “composed” by a group of blokes who, presumably after a few pints, declared “we can write something bad enough for Eurovision”, promptly did and then watched with looks of horror and realisation on live TV as the British public chose their song. Absolute class. Just what Eurovision ordered, really!

4. Mark Holland - April 15, 2006

Nah! If someone is foolish enough to leave their wireless network open, with no encryption and no MAC address lock down, then I’d say it was fair game.

5. daggi - April 17, 2006

“And the spacing seems to be huge, and misbehave, so thusfar I’ve found myself going onto blogger anyway to edit the bastards.”

I tried it once (as I was reminded yesterday when I found an old piece of newspaper with the stupid email address scrawled upon it), and gave up for exactly those reasons.

These email posts are quite enjoyable, though a bit too voyeuristic. It’s like reading your diary.

6. BiB - April 17, 2006

Amy, well, the song is, of course, appalling. I shuddered with horror when I listened to it. Mind you, I don’t want to know the songs in advance, really. I want to enjoy the moment in full horror on whatever wonderful Saturday in May it will be. Still, nice to know that the political recriminations from this year have started well in advacne and that Serbia and Montenegro have had to pull out because they just coudn’t choose a song, and there’s a referendum in Montenegro on independence the day after the contest, so it was just all too fraught. I’ve got a feeling Honduras and Nicaragua, or was it Peru and Ecuador, went to war over a football match. War over the Eurovision would surely be another dent in humanity’s armour.

Mark, thank you, you’ve set my mind at ease. “MAC address lock down.” That IS posh. You know your onions. Anyway, there’s some machine you can buy to create wirelessness from your broadband connection – or something like that – so I must get one. My conscience won’t happily allow me others’ wirelessness, even if it is only at night when I doubt they could possibly be using it themselves.

Daggi, I am always – well, OK, sometimes – torn between whether stuff is too personal or not. Recently I’ve been thinking about unloading the darker side of my soul onto these unfortunate pages, but it hasn’t happened yet. It’s hard to know how to judge what to write, so I suppose I just see how the mood takes me. My moods only seem to be Belarus and silly, which doesn’t leave that much room for variety. Anyway, a lot of my ‘truth’ is greatly embellished here.

7. BiB - April 18, 2006

By the way, Daggi, on the e-mailing front, one minor tip, should you decide to go back to the e-mailing route (although you’ve gone very quiet of late), which at least works for me using Outlook Express, is not to leave a blank line between paragraphs as that creates the massive spacing on the page. But linking still seems queer. I did all that href and bracketing business and it still didn’t work.

Actually, I’ve been thinking about what you said about the voyeuristicness and you mentioning that these were the e-mailed posts made me think that maybe it’s precisely because I’m e-mailing that I’ve revealed more, because it almost felt like I WAS writing to my old aunt Ethel – not that I’d write that sort of thing to her. And, anyway, she doesn’t exist – but maybe it just felt more cosy and homely than actually doing it via the blogger page. Might be hogwash, of course, and I was just in a different mood. You never know, though.

8. daggi - April 18, 2006

You could rename your blog “Hello Ethel”, which reminds me that the Wikipedia (English) page had been vandalised yesterday by a named user to turn it into a very short, yet somewhat pornographic-blasphemous text image involving one “Dot Cotton”.

Serbia and Montenegro have had to pull out because they just coudn’t choose a song
I don’t know (or care, I, afraid) buch about the Grand Prix de l’Eurovision (which unfortunately in recent years has been renamed, even in French and German to “Eurovision Song Contest”, cue those drums), but I thought Serbia-Montenegro had chosen a song, the main problem (for the Serbs) being that the Montenegrian band had won, they cried ‘vote-rigging’ and then pelted them with rotten fruit off the stage on the live TV broadcast announcing the result, meaning the Serbs who came second had to play instead. And then there were promises to the EBU of a re-run. The background to the supposed vote-rigging was that the Montenegrians have a referendum on independence the day after the Song Contest, and therefore if a Montenegrian band takes part, it will be obviously product placement for the pro-independence camp.

It’s amusing to see they take it all so seriously in eastern Europe. If, say, arte or MDR 3 were to repeat some 1970s “Intervision Song Contest” (the Warsaw Pact version) I might watch is, but for me, Eurovision is tainted with Gina G, Bucks Fizz, and some German woman in the mid-90s singing “Wir geben ‘ne Party…right now”. I won’t mention Guildo Horn.

9. daggi - April 18, 2006

That was the Wikipedia English page on “how to search”, not the wiki as a whole.

10. BiB - April 18, 2006

Daggi, you old sleuth. And there was me trying to get away with a simplified version of events. The Balkans, eh? Can’t ever simplify ’em.

Brilliant idea regarding, “Hello Ethel.” (Or what about Dolly, actually?) I’d like to change THIS INSTANT, but it would probably be too much of a wrench. But I like it, I like it. The e-mails to an old aunt ACCIDENTALLY posted simultaneously to blogger. You’re onto something there. Do it yourself, immediately. What ever became of all those other mysterious titles one sees when one opens your profile? Perhaps you could publish your (one-way) exchanges with your slum landlord.

11. daggi - April 19, 2006

I’m meeting him next week (probably to hand me the eviction notice or something). I got a reply to a letter! Stone the crows, blimey, etc.

As you’re the expert, what happened to the Serbia-Montenegro Eurovision entry? Are they out for good?

12. BiB - April 19, 2006

Out for good. Imagine. And I read on the BBC that even Kosovo might be independent in time for next year’s competition so maybe Serbia, Kosovo and Montenegro will all be competing separately. Somehow, I don’t think Kosovo and Serbia will be voting for each other galore.

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