I need advice, I need advice… March 31, 2006Posted by BiB in Uncategorized.
Right, I’m gradually forgetting the art of being a human here, tucked in my little translating box and living in a selection of foreign languages. I was horrified when my mobile telephone rang today and a name flashed up that I actually recognised. (Though this wasn’t out of the blue, but it was still a shock.) So, anyway, an old friend’s in town. With the missus. And a child, whom I’ve never met, aged between 1 and not-more-than-3. We arrange to meet. But through the entanglement of cultures, foreign languages, my lack of social skills and caving into any suggestion made by anyone else ever, I’ve ended up inviting aforementioned nuclear family here tomorrow. HERE! To this flat. Which is probably allergic to extraneous DNA by now.
But there are complications. Apart from the linguistic hoo-hah that the whole event’s going to be, a very odd time has been set for the social event and they’ll be coming from lunch chez someone else. And they’ll have to go home to put the infant to bed at, say, 7-something. So what does one provide for a nuclear family, at home, who won’t be hungry, between 4 and 7? What do we do? Just gush over the child? Do I need to go and buy 20 Kinder eggs, or is chocolate bad form these days? Do I need to go and buy him a piece of fruit instead? Or a carrot?
I did hear the word ‘coffee’ uttered from my less-flustered-than-I old friend. So, what, coffee and fondant fancies? Can you get those in Berlin?
Oh, and I forgot to mention, old friend is allergic to EVERYTHING. Bread, fruit, vegetables, eggs, booze. And I’ll have to pretend I’m not smoking for the sake of appearances as I’d given up last time we met.
But this is it. After this social occasion, I’m moving to Leamington Spa.
But until I do, please, tips. What do you do with a nuclear family? What do you do with a nuclear family? What do you do with a nuclear family, early in the evening? Grown-up heterosexuals’ answers greatly appreciated. (I don’t have any videos suitable for children.)