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On atheist morality May 22, 2004

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Life can be too queer. It’s enough to make you want to believe in god sometimes. But I won’t start that. That would be too stark a disorientation… You see, as a freelancing type, you are constantly frantic about work, about money, will I be able to pay everything at the end of the month, etc. At least if you’re me, and getting the amount of work that I am. I’d been especially frantic of late – I think it’s what made me open this blog, to let it out somehow – but now there seems to be a potentially good, fun and interesting job on the horizon. Only for a few days, but still.

I don’t believe in god. And have always been utterly convinced – and mystified when people have failed to agree – that you don’t need to be a believer to have a staunch and strong moral code. ‘How can you have morals when you don’t believe in god?’ folk ask, dumbfoundedly. But now I’m not so sure. I think my morals are based on a love, or respect, for my fellow man. And yet, not believeing in god, and not thinking we’re here for a purpose, and not thinking we’re a ‘force for good,’ makes me wonder why I should love my fellow man after all. Doesn’t my fellow man do more harm than good? Isn’t my fellow man, in fact, rather a pain in the arse? Aren’t people total stinkers to one another? But this could be just my mood talking… Look at all the wonderful things mankind has achieved, and look at how well we DO manage to suppress all our ghastly natural urges and wickednesses. And maybe I can be moral without loving my fellow man. Live and let live ins’t such a bad philosophy, after all, and yet there’s not necessarily any love in it…

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I admit it May 20, 2004

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This is already turning into a thankless task. And yet it’s strangely appealing. But, on just day two of my diary-dogging, I’m already frantically awaiting some sort of reaction. And yet none comes. Will it ever? Is anybody out there? I check my profile almost constantly, expectantly looking for how many people have looked at it. So far, the grand total is 4, but could that just be the four times I’ve clicked on it myself? Oh, the humiliation!

In any case, even if I am communicating with precisely no-one, you huddled masses of non-existing folk, may I let you know that you have already replaced my slightly less virtual, though equally distant ‘real’ contacts, and I haven’t written an e-mail (or – horrors – made a phone call) since this blog was established. Which must be some reflection on the real people I DO occasionally – oh so occasionally – have real contact with. Oh, the life of an exile!

Poor Germans… May 19, 2004

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…having to pretend to like asparagus, I mean.

I can see that this could be addictive – pouring your heart out to no-one in particular, not asparagus. I wonder what good can come of it. It can’t be a way to make a living, surely? Or can it? What a heavenly idea…

Diary of a madman May 19, 2004

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I’m keen to know, fellow dogging diary-writers, or members of the medical profession, if this act, this making public what would otherwise be private, is the first sign of a rapid descent into madness, a sign that madness has already long since set in, or a sign of something perfectly respectable? Is it stretching out a hand to our fellow humans for those of us who are too barking to do so in reality? Is it a desperate attempt to stamp out loneliness, rather than a heroic attempt at befriending that emotion? Or is it just me, me, me – an outlet for those of us too talentless to be published anywhere else? I await that to-be-cherished first reaction…

Stating the obvious May 19, 2004

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This is hardly the most original of thoughts, but isn’t there something AWFULLY vain about doing this, about writing one’s thoughts on-line? Why not just keep a diary nicely? Or, when one keeps a diary, is one secretly hoping that it too will be read? Whatever the reasons, then, I must be writing this for the sake of being heard, for the sake of a reaction, for the sake, simply, of writing. And why the hell not? “The great thing to be recorded is the state of your own mind,” wrote a certain Dr. Johnson. So forgive the vanity, and the empty words, and the mumbling thoughts. But this is apices gratia apicum…

Honest… May 18, 2004

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OK, I have to admit it, I wasn’t entirely honest just then. Basically honest, but I can’t really say that this is ENTIRELY a blog without a cause. Not that I mean it to be a rallying cry for anything in particular, but one other blog has been something of an inspiration, something of a prompt – the one lovingly (and thoroughly) maintained by a certain Andrew Sullivan (www.andrewsullivan.com). I can’t say I agree with a lot of what he says, which he obviously wouldn’t mind in the least, but there’s a lot that I enjoy in what he writes. So why not have a go myself…

But the life of a freelancer calls, and duty has just sent work my way.

Until next time, dearest computer…

Blog without a cause May 18, 2004

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This is, so far, a blog without a cause. An experiment. A beginning. A hello to anyone who might stumble across it. A refuge, if need be, for anyone who wants to tell me anything at all. Something to drive people bonkers when I want to write something ridiculous. But certainly an outlet, I think, for me…